Tears

So I haven't really updated sine we came home from Riley. Let's just say this, I'm stressed! Luke is fighting every bottle more than before. Here we thought we had a breakthrough. I'm getting something in him every three hours like they wanted, but most are solids. Then this past Sunday Luke's Miralax kicked in and any progress we made was lost. I'm beside myself. I have our home scale and it says either we are the same as we left or he has lost a half an ounce. That might not sound like much, but after gaining 10 ounces in 5 days it is substantial. Just this morning when we tried his bottle, I started to cry as he wouldn't take it. Here he is giving me this goofy grin with the nipple hanging out of his mouth, and I'm crying. It is so stressful. Once again I'm just trying to get him calories. We have a weight check today at our pediatricians and I'm so nervous. Honestly I feel embarrassed if I can't do this. I'm not holding him responsible, I'm holding me responsible. He doesn't know what we're trying here and can only do what a baby does. I however am the mom, I'm the one in charge of him and it makes me feel like a failure not just as a mom but also to him in general. I'm doing the same thing we were doing there and am in the same schedule, I just don't get it. I put on the happy brave face, but let's be honest...I'm crumbling sometimes. I'm scared for what is the future for us. I had a nice breakdown to our therapist on Monday, and felt embarrassed about it. At least I am working on my patience as of now. On a side note, Luke is finally getting his first tooth! I find it Friday when we were driving home. It has just started to break the skin. He is handling it well. So far we haven't had sleepless nights or crying. He just gums on his Sophie giraffe and his shirts. He is such a happy baby though. Jordan